Making Fear Your Friend With Transformation

Realistically Coronavirus is a huge threat to me and to a lot of the people that I love the most. I didn’t truly understand just how heavily it was weighing on me until I tried to edit a video that I intended to just be about a motorcycle ride. Every time I pointed the camera at myself, to talk about the places that we were experiencing, I ended up focusing on the importance of everyone just Staying Away From People so I was left with a truth that I was (ashamed of?) (afraid to?) seriously resisting sharing. I was so surprised to discover that I’m still automatically only wanting to show the “positive” and not focus on the genuine fear and vulnerability that I’m experiencing.

The widespread denial and aversion of fear is dangerously harmful right now.

I realized that my resistance was not to avoid “Giving It Power”, “Creating That Reality,” “Being So Negative” or “Acting Out Of Fear” but because I honestly didn’t want to “make waves” or challenge that way of thinking. I was suddenly very aware of the general resistance to expressing any “negative emotion” but especially fear and just how dangerous and harmful that could be right now.

I have such a deep understanding of those that genuinely care and believe that by “putting it out there” I am not only manifesting my reality but contributing to the collective consciousness, endangering myself (and even them). Not so very long ago (and for as long as I can remember),  I believed the same.

What I learned about fear, uncertainty and the all the rest when my extremely extensive, elaborate, ornate and incredibly well decorated bubble burst, was that my unwillingness to acknowledge my true experience and emotions was just a way to feed my illusion of control while claiming to release it.

I was shocked to discover that I was automatically still denying my fear, just for different reasons now.  Logically I understand and believe that fear is good, necessary even, to inform empowered behavior that keeps us safe. I have shared with many of my Life Coaching Clients and closest friends that naming and calling out those things that we are challenged by, actually allows us to take our power back, not give it away.

I’m ready to (finally) practice what I’ve been preaching.

My discomfort with the truth that I expressed on the video showed me that I’m still not practicing what I preach because I don’t want to acknowledge the fear that I am experiencing (all over the place) to anyone that might be uncomfortable with it.  Right now, only acknowledging my feelings and experiences to myself and those I feel “safe” with, is simply not enough and potentially very damaging.

Soooo Confession Time.

This is such a unique situation and in so many ways we are all entering territory that is terrifyingly new and unknown. I’m feeling so fortunate that my illusion of a safety net dissolved long ago, so this feeling is something I’ve grown quite accustomed to and this is a reality that I’m learning to thrive in. I have often been asked how I have been able to stay so “positive” as my body and abilities are diminishing before everyone’s eyes and the hard truth is that I don’t! 

Every primitive, survival expression of an emotion, has an equal, logical expression.

One of the most helpful teachings I learned when becoming a Life Coach was that each emotion has a primitive, survival expression and a sister developed, logical expression that we can use for our highest good. Now, when I experience an emotion I determine whether it is working for me in that situation and if it’s not I transform it into an expression that does. Same emotion, different expression. For me it isn’t about Elimination but Transformation and (fortunately!) it is so easy to do.

The diagnosis of ALS with the added threat of reactivated infections makes me every bit as devastated, scared, confused and hurt as it would (and should) anyone else. Watching my glorious, miraculous amazing body (and it’s capabilities) literally waste away, deform and diminish before my very eyes is every bit as terrifying, heartbreaking, infuriating and hurtful as it would (and should) be for anyone else.

It’s easy to mistake Emotional Transformation for Positive Thinking.

The reason I appear to always be “positive” is because I completely released the need to label my emotions as one or the other, positive or negative, good or bad. I realized that all emotions are there to help us and let’s be clear, there is a situation to fit every emotion. From the outside, Emotional Transformation looks a lot like “positive thinking” and it is easy to give credit for my beating the odds of this horrendous dis-ease, to my “positive outlook”.

I believe that I have benefitted most from my ability to transform emotions, using them to keep moving and creating, no matter how different or modified the expression becomes. Essentially Transformation, Creativity & Movement not “positivity” has been the key to healing for me, which makes this condition particularly cruel because it systematically takes away my ability to move. The days when physical movement is impossible, I bathe my cells in music so my body can follow along in my mind’s eye, and fully accept it as enough.

Unless we are literally needing to fight, run, hide motionless or disassociate, to survive an attack of some sort, a Primitive Survival Hijack does not serve us.

Fear (or any emotion for that matter) definitely does not serve us when it hijacks our brains, behavior or reality. An  exception would be when trying to run from a rabid animal, adrenaline and superhuman strength (if it’s a person) or complete frozen stillness (if it’s a bear) would be very helpful and needed more than logical thought. The truth is that most of what threatens us, especially right now, does not call for this type of response, yet we often default to it (TP hoarding) or we deny it while still reacting from this place (having an extreme emotional response about others TP hoarding).

We definitely need logical, measured action as opposed to primitive reaction or panicked overreaction in the face of this threat but we also need to be okay with the fact that fear plays a huge part in both. I am ready to start acknowledging, allowing, and appreciating the fear that is serving me so well right now by helping me to stay safe in a potentially dangerous environment, even if “fear” is something that is considered “bad”.

When we are hijacked by the part of our brain that creates a survival reaction, (fight, flight, freeze, disassociate),  resources are taken away from our digestive system to give our extremities strength and of course logical thought is suspended or severely disabled. It is so easy to see how living in this state for a prolonged period is not only unpleasant but also extremely damaging… not only to our digestive system but to our mental, emotional and spiritual systems as well.

We have the most powerful tool to prevent or intercept Primitive Survival Hijacks with us at all times!

Fortunately, it is SO easy to take control back during a hijack or, even better, to prevent one from happening at all. The shallow breathing (fast breath that only reaches the tippy tops of our lungs) that we experience during the hijack is the key to overriding it and giving the reins back to the logical part of our brains.

Once we are breathing deeply (into the very bottom of our lungs), our ability to stay hijacked is impossible. With deep breathing Fear can often be experienced as Excitement because they are just different expressions of the same energetic vibration, fear is so often just excitement without deep breath. Check out Transform Your Emotions In 5 Easy Steps to see all of the sister emotions and how to use breathing to take transform primitive expressions into logical ones.

Denying that fear is a part of our reality does not make it disappear or take away it’s power.

Quite frankly, I no longer want to hide or deny my fear, even if it is uncomfortable for others. I am so ready to share that I regularly use developed, logical fear to inform my actions, which can often allow appropriate fear to transform into the excitement that it truly is. I am so grateful for the awareness that I have been hiding this truth and so ready to come out of the, “being ashamed of my fear” closet, fortunately it looks like there are going to be a lot of opportunities to practice on the horizon.

Starting today, I’m excited (afraid) to approach each of the safety precautions, steps by step, tackling each do-able action with excitement (fear) at the opportunity to stay safe (threatened), in an environment that is full of danger. I am Excited(afraid) to explore all of the unknowns and possibilities…

I want to thank the nasty little bugs for making everything, from loved ones to doorknobs, life threateningly dangerous and the global pandemic for making everything — from the economy to greeting another human — totally and completely uncertain. Because of you both, I now have exponential opportunities to practice what I’ve been preaching… Please go away now. I want to thank all of you for being so patient, kind and understanding as I practice embracing and acknowledging my true experience… Please, please don’t go away.

If you happen to be feeling fear right now and believe that it is not okay… you are not alone!

“#FearIsALiar, #FearIsAnIllusion & #FearIsntAnOption” are the top 3 “fear” hashtags on Instagram right now. I sincerely hope that we can stop “fear shaming” ourselves and each other, in the face of these very intense circumstances.

Instead of denying fear’s existence and attempting to eliminate it’s presence, I invite you to transform your expression of fear into something that works for you. Please consider being part of the solution by exploring, embracing and using all of your emotions right now, especially your fear.

Practice makes perfect or at least way easier, good thing we have lots of opportunities to work on transformation

This is an amazing opportunity for us all to experience our connection, even when we are physically separated… to go through all of our emotions and instead of denying the ones we don’t like or have been taught are bad, use them to thrive in challenging times… to practice instant forgiveness with each other but most importantly with ourselves, as we figure out how to navigate new realities. 

I allowed the truth of my experience to come through on the video and I’m vowing to do the same in my life, even if it involves forbidden (yet unavoidable) emotions. This reminder that the very emotions that we try to hide are actually super helpful tools to use in the situations that inspire them, is today’s proof that we will get through this, with a lot of deep breaths and emerging stronger than ever.

#BikerDogGuber and I hit the road to the Southern New Mexico Ghost Town, Chloride from Elephant Butte Lake without seeing another soul (the Stay-At-Home Order issued during our ride might have helped…) and without any phone reception for a total Social Distance Win!

Riding my Custom Triumph T-100 is extremely therapeutic, especially in these incredibly stressful (Global Pandemic!) times… This is one of my most favorite rides and I’m so grateful that I can still manage it, even if I am exhausted by the end! I am practicing complete Social Isolation not just Social Distancing because the CoronaVirus and COVID19 is especially frightening for me.

I have been diagnosed with ALS complicated by reactivated viral and bacterial infections, which means I’ve lost lung capacity from muscle atrophy, have an incredible taxed immune system from chronic infections and a body that has been literally fighting for it’s life for a very long time. I always try to exude health and vibrancy and don’t plan on giving this dis-ease even an iota of power over me but the truth is that my body is extremely fragile and compromised, so I’m choosing to isolate…

…and I’m choosing to talk about the reality of this situation and express my immense gratitude to YOU for following the recommendation to stay away from each other as much as possible, to ESSENTIAL WORKERS for going out into a very dangerous environment to help keep everything functioning for all of us and of course for all of the HEALTHCARE WORKERS, who are on the front lines, risking their lives to save ours. I am also begging you to PLEASE stay home if you aren’t already!

This too shall pass…

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